If you have some swimming jokes that
are just as bad (good) as these jokes, please e-mail us your joke and we'll
include it in the list.
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Q: What race is
A: A swimming race.
Q: What kind of
fish can't swim?
A: A dead one.
Q: Why do
squirrels swim on their back?
A: To keep their nuts dry.
Q: What kind of
stroke can you use on toast?
Q: Why did the Boston swimmer
with the sore throat try to swallow his TYRs?
A: Because the doctor told him
to GOGGLE with salt water!
Q. Why can male elephants swim
whenever they want?
A. They always have trunks with
Q. What is a polar bear's
Q. Why did the girl have
A. She didnt have boy-ancy!
Q. Why did the teacher jump into
A. She wanted to test the water!
Q. Why wasn't Susan afraid when
she saw a shark while she was swimming in the water?
A. Because it was a man-eating
Q: Why do you keep doing the
A: I've just had lunch and don't want to swim on a full stomach.
Q: Did you hear about the slow
A: He could only do the crawl.
Q: What do you call a swim team
made up of girls named Jennifer?
Q: Where do ghosts like to go
A: Lake Eerie (also, the Dead Sea).
Q: What kind of swimmer makes a
A: One with great seed times!
Q: What do a dentist and a swim
coach have in common?
A: They both use drills!
Q: Why was the swimmer at the
Winterfest Meet so cold?
A: She couldn't find her heat!
Q: Why did the vegetarians stop
A: They didn't like meets!
Q: What kind of exercises are
best for a swimmer?
Q: Why was Cinderella able to
swim so fast?
A: Because the Prince found her glass flippers!
Q. In which direction does a
AFFECTING COMPETITIVE SWIMMERS
(much like Sir Isaac Newtons laws of motion)
unattended, a swimmer will gravitate to the worst technique possible.
*Law of Inertia*
A swimmer at
rest will tend to remain at rest unless acted upon by an outside force. A
swimmer in motion will tend to rest as soon as possible unless acted upon by
an outside force.
Matter or Mass
can neither be created nor destroyed, except by 11-18 year old females, when
it can magically appear in the most inopportune places and quantities
When asked to
kick rapidly, swimmers tend not to; when told not to kick, swimmers tend to
Breaststroke or Butterfly in practice, swimmers hands are attracted to the
turning wall, each hand at a different speed, at different times, at
different points not in the same plane.
Acceleration & Momentum*
The law of
acceleration may only apply for 3 minutes after coach reminds swimmer it is
important, then the law of Momentum becomes dominant soon to be replaced by
the law of Inertia.
*Law of Static
automatically seek their own comfort level and tend to attract others to so
* Mind over
The mind can
overcome many obstacles during competition but the same does not usually
apply during practices.
*Law of Finite
carefully explaining the efficiency and effectiveness of an ideal stroke
rate, within 3 minutes swimmer will invariably lose the ability to count
strokes and think about any related concept. See similar anomaly under Law
* Relativity *
The position of
the swimmers body in relation to the position it is supposed to be in, may
vary up to +or- 100%.
Horizontal Telemetry *
When rotated 90
degrees from the vertical to supine or sublime position, the brain loses
most of its ability to function.
Principle of Babylon*
Within 3 minutes
of the start of coach speaking, the swimmers begin hearing unrecognizable
tongues. See similar anomaly under Law of Finite Attraction.
The amount of
fluids the bladder can retain is directly proportional to the difficulty of
the middle of the current practice set. The same principle seems to apply to
ripping caps and broken goggle straps, but no scientific evidence connecting
the 3 has been documented.